Living a Life Guided by Core Values

Greetings, everyone. I wanted to drop a brief update to share that my life is finally starting to find its rhythm again. It’s been a complete two months since my mother passed away, and the mental haze that clouded everything has finally dissipated. Now, I’m feeling a renewed drive to engage in meaningful and productive activities once more.

2023: The Year Focused on Self

Over ten years back, I developed a practice of assigning themes to my years and even my months. This approach was not only enjoyable but also incredibly effective. Whenever I committed a specific period to a single focus—be it improving my fitness, advancing my writing, or exploring new relationships—I achieved remarkable outcomes. Unfortunately, this theming habit persisted for just a couple of years before it faded into the background of my routine.

For far too long, I’ve relegated my own needs to the back burner, placing myself second, third, or even further down the list of priorities. But as of yesterday, I’ve resolved to elevate myself to the top spot for the coming year—and potentially beyond. This shift doesn’t come easily to me. It feels inherently self-centered, almost like a betrayal of what I thought was right. Yet, deep down, I recognize that I’ve permitted external distractions to sabotage my physical and mental well-being for years. I’ve crafted endless excuses to justify it. That ends now. Moving forward, my personal growth and health take precedence. J.D. is the primary mission. Welcome to the era of intentional self-prioritization!

In reality, by centering myself in this way, I’m confident I’ll evolve into a more valuable individual for those around me—including all of you, my readers. I fully understand this dynamic; it’s advice I’ve dispensed to others countless times. The challenge has been translating that understanding into action, something I’ve struggled with for ages.

For you, the loyal audience of this site, there likely won’t be any noticeable disruption. The transformation is primarily internal. I’m granting myself full permission to prioritize my own needs and aspirations above all else throughout 2023. Paradoxically, this should yield richer material for content here. Moreover, it will finally propel me to finish the long-overdue redesign of the website.

As part of this personal year, however, I’m consciously avoiding any rigid schedules for publishing or content creation. If inspiration strikes and I have something worthwhile to share, you’ll hear it. If not, I won’t manufacture posts out of obligation. Consider this very article a prime illustration: I recently wrapped up an exercise from Designing Your Life and had a window of time before connecting with a friend, so I chose to jot down this casual progress report.

Once more, this represents a profound internal evolution for me, and I’m acutely aware of that. Still, it’s a vital one that promises lasting benefits.

Embracing The Courage to Be Disliked

During our Thanksgiving road trip to California to see Kim’s brother’s family, we kept ourselves entertained by listening to The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. This compelling book—which might more aptly be named The Courage to Be Happy—delves deeply into the philosophical perspectives of the renowned psychologist Alfred Adler.

The Courage to Be Disliked brims with profound insights and practical wisdom. I was genuinely irritated by the audiobook format because it prevented me from highlighting key passages as I would in print. Some standout ideas that resonated strongly include:

• Individuals often manufacture their own anger out of thin air.
• True liberation comes from refusing to let your past dictate your present.
• Unhappiness is frequently a deliberate choice we make.
• Most people opt against personal transformation.
• Your existence unfolds entirely in the present moment. (This mirrors teachings from Eckhart Tolle, doesn’t it?)
• Every challenge we face ultimately stems from issues in our interpersonal relationships.
• Life should never be treated as a zero-sum competition.
• Acknowledging your mistakes isn’t a loss; it’s a step forward.
• Reject the craving for external validation. (This aligns perfectly with embracing a lack of conventional ambition!)
• Let go of tasks that belong to others. (Essentially, this means establishing and upholding firm, healthy boundaries.)
• Real freedom means being at peace with the possibility of disapproval from others.
• You are not the universe’s focal point.
• The true aim of human connections is fostering a shared sense of community.
• Avoid both criticism and excessive praise. (This proved a major eye-opener for Kim and me alike.)
• Stay fully anchored in the now. (Eckhart Tolle strikes again.)
• Overthinking your self-image only serves to suppress your authentic self.
• Skip the chase for constant validation; embrace genuine self-acceptance instead.
• The core purpose of work lies in contributing to the greater good.
• Summon the bravery to embrace ordinariness.
• Life unfolds as an unbroken chain of singular moments.

Many of these points might appear cryptic or nonsensical without their accompanying context. They certainly did for us initially, until the book’s explanations brought them to life. I’ll definitely revisit The Courage to Be Disliked in Kindle form soon. Or at least skim through it strategically to pinpoint the most impactful sections. Structured as a Socratic dialogue between a philosopher and a youth, the format has its strengths and weaknesses. For my purposes, I have no interest in wading through the full exchanges again—I’m after the distilled gems.

There’s a strong chance I’ll craft a comprehensive review or summary of the book right here on the site down the line.

Cultivating a Life Anchored in Values

To bring this update full circle, let me share a poignant quote that surfaced in my Readwise highlights today. I had flagged it months earlier, but it feels extraordinarily timely given my current headspace:

“The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of a proactive person. Reactive people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. Proactive people are driven by values — carefully thought about, selected, and internalized values.”

— Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

A key factor in my arrival at this juncture—necessitating a dedicated Year of Me—stems from gradually losing my grip on impulse control while drifting away from my fundamental values. It’s high time to reverse course! I’ve already initiated some practical measures to curb those impulses, such as deleting Reddit and Hearthstone from my iPad. Now, the next phase involves actively reincorporating my core values into daily life.

That’s the extent of my thoughts for today. Expect more content from me shortly, though it could be concise or more free-form and reflective, much like this piece. In truth, under my evolving vision, each of the three segments here could easily expand into standalone articles.

Rest assured, I’m not abandoning in-depth, structured pieces entirely. But during this Year of Me, shorter, more spontaneous posts like this one feel like the perfect fit for where I am right now.